Washing your dog

It was a Thursday morning, three days before the Dog of The Year Show, and I was really happy as Kimmi, my Pyrenean Mountain dog, had qualified. I thought I'd better get her cleaned up and looking lovely for the show which meant – a BATH!!!

Some of my dogs just need a thorough brush before a show, but not Kimmi, that's never enough for Kimmi. Normally I would use the hose pipe out in the garden but as the weather was cold and the wind was blowing from the North-East, I elected for the bathroom and the bath. That was the just the start of the story - she was horrendous - I don't know how such a large dog could do so many twist and turns in such a small space! After we'd both been washed from head to toe (I hadn't planned a second bath that day, believe me), I toweled her off and put the blaster on to dry myself off. After about an hour of being stepped on, rolled on, chewed, stared at, smacked with feet, swiped with tail and generally abused, she was finally dry, groomed, and looking gorgeous.

Can someone please explain to me why I then decided it would be a good idea to take her for a little walk to the bottom of our drive and back? What on earth possessed me to make such a ridiculous decision? After all, she was clean, tired (as was I) and ready for a snooze. To make matters worse, we took Kali, my fourteen week Pyrenean puppy with us!

We have quite a long drive and on one side, there is a nice area of lawn leading onto open fields. The other side has a verge that runs down into a ditch which is roughly fourteen feet wide and twenty feet deep. We started off well, especially as Kimmi saw one of our cats and only jumped in the air three times instead of the one hundred and thirty three she would normally do. Perhaps it’s because the puppy is with us and she’s showing him how to behave, I foolishly thought. After about a hundred yards, Kimmi saw a rabbit on the other side of the ditch. Now when Kimmi decides to do something, she doesn't give anything away and you have no inkling as to what she's about to get up to. So, on seeing the rabbit (which by this time was running - fast) she leaped into the air and flew across the ditch. She managed to make it to the other side, which is more than I did. I held on to the flexi-lead with all the strength I could muster, trying not to drag the pup with me as I slid in a very un-ladylike way down into the cold, smelly and very wet ditch.

Kimmi stood on the other side of the bank, looking down on me and wondering what to do. It must have looked like great fun to her, seeing her mum up to her waist in the most disgusting water you could ever imagine and seeing Kali on the other side jumping up and down barking and trying to jump across to join her. She decided to jump back over to join Kali and, I suspect, show him what a good time he could have by seeing how far he could get to the edge of the water without falling in. That done, she tried to jump back, but failed and landed in the ditch with me. She thought this was great fun. What a lovely sound the water makes when you splash about in it! This is brilliant - everyone is making a noise and it's much more fun than just going for a walk - can't think why we didn't do this ages ago!

We did, eventually, get out of the ditch. No harm done and no bones broken. Kimmi went on to win the Dog of the Year (after another bath, of course).

HOW TO BATH A DOG

1. Catch dog.

2. Plead, give lots of tit bits, carry and drag dog to bathroom

3. Put dog in bath and switch on shower

4. Put dog back in bath

5. Wring out jumper

6. Put dog back in bath

7. Apply soap whilst holding on tight to dog start washing

8. Put dog back in bath

9. Try to wipe soap out of your eyes, whilst holding on to dog

10. Find the shower head with eyes closed tight against the pain of soap in eyes